A day at tech support

Customer: I keep getting an error message whenever I try using the Command prompt from start menu!!
Tech Support: Can you describe what happens?
Customer: "Well, I keep getting a black screen with an error message saying, 'C:\WINDOWS>'.

Tech Support: We have reset your password, it is your first name, all in small letters.
Customer: hey, but my keyboard has only capital letters!

Tech Support: Ok now, open the word document.
Customer: The first word or the second one?...

Tech Support: Right click on the icon...
Customer: But which click is right and which one wrong?

Customer: I clicked on my computer and opened the CD drive...now should I take out the CD ? or close it?

Tech Support: Do you have the driver CD with you?
Customer: Yeah of course, two of them, Nascar Racing, and Need For Speed, which one should I put ?

Tech Support: Did you send us the complaint e-mail?
Customer: Yeah, I did, I found your e-mail address in the manaul, but the postman brought the envelope back saying, this address does not exist, can you also tell me you City, and pincode of your e-mail address?

Customer: My windows says it needs an upgrade, can I get some French window or something?



Hey, get me an OS please!

Shopkeeper: Hello, sir. What would you like to have?
Bob: I am thinking of buying a state of the art computer ,I want to choose an OS. What do you suggest?
Shopkeeper: Why don't you go for Windows Vista? It is latest offering from the OS expert, Microsoft, most user friendly OS in the market.
Bob: Hey, But I heard that would be a costly call?
Keeper: Not actually, around 200-300$.
Bob: OMG!! Can't I go for some older stock?
Keeper: You mean older version? Yeah, you have the XP, but they will stop the support for that soon!
Bob: So you can't have the maintanence work done right?
Keeper: Yeah, something like that...
Bob: But someone said there is a free OS called something like Line-X or lean-X or something?
Keeper: I think you are talking about Linux? The Open Source?
Bob: I suppose...
Keeper: Oh, that would be free, you can get the OS for free. Pay only for the support.
Bob: Pay for support?
Keeper: Yeah, not much, a few 100 dollars per year. But you can get without support also. Still you may have hard time finding application softwares.
Bob: You mean add ons?
Keeper: Kinda...
Bob: But, then I could also go for XP...
Keeper: Its your call.
Bob: What about the orange?
Keeper: Orange?
Bob: There is an OS with that name, right?
Keeper: Oh! You mean Apple? They sell the Macintosh OS.
Bob: Yeah, sorry [scratching his head]. I got confused with the name. How about that?
Keeper: It is a neat and sleek option. But, you have to buy the hardware+ software bundle as such from Apple. And it will be priced little..rather little more, steeply.
Bob: Hm....let me think...[thinks for a while]...ok, give me a mouse. That is it.
Keeper: [surprised] What about the new PC you were talking of buying?
Bob: No, I feel it would be better to hire an accountant to do that job! That seems to be cheaper.
Keeper: And this mouse?
Bob: Oh that! I wanted a paperweight with a string... could not find that type anywhere.
[shopkeeper's jaws hit the basement...]

"If you are priceless, there are chances that you may remain worthless."


The Open Source Honeymoon!

Open Source, yes, that is what the computing world needs. Think how good it would have been if the software was sold rather than just the licenses of software being sold? Think about the infinite possibilities, you could get away from the blue screen of death, (and obviously get your own green, turquise blue or black screen of death, your choice!). You could remove internet explorer from the bundle and replace it with the browser of your choice (higly recommended), you could even customize the applications and software bundle of your windows and sell it as your own distro (and millions of different colorful bugs). But alas! that is not going to happen, as Microsoft is not going to follow the Linux way.
Look at Linux, how easy life is. Being a Linuxer for the past few years, I am still enjoying my honeymoon with my PC. I am never bored, (yes, there are very little games for Linux who minds) I spend hours formating and reinstalling new Distros. I could even keep my PC fresh and clean because of this, (yeah I do lose a confidential file or two, every now and then in the process of formatting, but who cares?). I can have a two page long list of distros in my bootloaders, so I use one for listening to music, one for browsing, one for office and so on, how convenient. Not like windows, where you have to do a series of clicks and find the app you need. Here you just need to reboot to the distro of your choice.Also, I have nice spending time buying a new hard disk every 2 months ( not because of excessive formatting. I lost only 2 hard disks that way, I actually buy because I run out of space installing OS).
I have also mastered my typing skills, thanks to the console prompt, whatever be the distro, how much ever friendly it be, I get a reason or two to get to the console and set things straight. Also my vocabulary is getting richer day by day, with extraordinary words like Ubuntu, Xandros, knoppix etc. I bet Open Source is the way to salvation! ( I have to log back into windows before I post this, my network card is not detected in my Ubuntu!!! )

"somethings look sexy when exposed, but some are better maintained under hood."


Ballmer calls up Gates after Yahoo! Deal call off!

After the Yahoo! Deal was laid off, the whole Microsoft felt deceived and upset. On January 31st 2008, YHOO stocks closed at 19.03$. And a day after, the Microsoft announcing its interest to takeover the internet giant, its stock prices shot up to 28$ in a single day and even reached 30$ at some point of time. But because of the indifferent approach of Yahoo! Board, Microsoft had to call off the deal. Post Yahoo!, an upset Gates calls up Ballmer.

Gates: What is this, Steve? I expected more from you. You should have gone for the proxy fight. Why did you give up?
Ballmer: No dear. There’s no point in it. They were asking for too much. And moreover they will anyway tie up with Google; there is no point in taking over in that case.
Gates: What can we do now? How do we save our face? I am not able to concentrate on my philanthropy 'business', you see.
Ballmer: Even I am thinking about it. I tried my luck on Facebook, MySpace, but they did not budge. Then tried revamping Live.com, no one is even visiting it. Now after Yahoo! I see no way out.
Gates: Why don’t we take our fight to our old friend, Apple? Can we announce a iPhone killer?
Ballmer: Not a bad idea! We can in fact. We can use the Zune hardware, with an Xbox processor and put Vista in it….
Gates: Vista? Will it fit in? The kernel itself is 3 GB!!
Ballmer: Bill, why are you talking like a child! We can always revamp it. As we always used to do! We will remove the security module, Aero, the file system, the boot loader and…yeah, the multimedia too.
Gates: What will be left then?
Ballmer: The DOS kernel!
Gates: Still the DOS kernel? I thought we developed a new kernel for Vista?
Ballmer: Yeah, we did. Who said otherwise? We rewrote the whole DOS kernel from C to C#.
Gates: How innovative! I am impressed. Now what we will we name our new product? It should really be something people can easily recognize. Something like iPhone…how about oPhone?
Ballmer: I am afraid, O2 might complain….what about GPhone?
Gates: Its already there you homie…Google Phone, so are the SPhone, KPhone etc. All patented.
Ballmer: No alphabets left? Oh, hey! How about xPhone? That adds an x-factor... oh heavens.. I am amazed on my own creativity!!!
Gates: Dude, watch out, x rating your product won’t help. I think we should go in our Windows line, 98, Millenium, 2000, XP, Vista….why don’ we name it Pista?
Ballmer: Oh, you better name it some Chocolate or strawberry…ha ha
Gates: Hey! You said it! Strawberry! We can also challenge blackberry with it! You are a genius! I am convinced.
Ballmer: thanks (blushing).
Gates: So, when can we have the press conference?...

when technology gets advanced, people get silly.


Yahoo! to bid for Microsoft???

After more than two months of speculation, negotiation, round tables, press conferences and ultimatums it seems both Microsoft and Yahoo! have said they have enough of the drama. Microsoft spokesperson on the press conference said that, "This is what we both wanted, to be in the front cover of all the business journals and portals, rise in share values and publicity. This was the biggest form of advertising both we and Microsoft could get and the master plan has really paid off!". He also noted that at the end we wanted to call an end to this drama, as we found the drama is losing its charisma.
"We are now thinking of bidding for Microsoft for maybe, 150 billion. I know we don't have that much funds with us. But we have asked Warner Bros. to sponsor this soap, and they have agreed to the same. They have their own publicity plans regarding the same, we will have a weekly show in BBC and CNN to get more publicity." When asked about how many months this new drama is going to last, Microsoft's Balmer said, " I don't have the clearest idea, but it could last for 2-3 months, depending on the publicity and popularity. Spielberg is in charge of the script and direction". "We are sure, both us and Yahoo! can tip Google from the top spot, with this kind of slick marketing. "

This is a spoof and not real news. Don't run to buy some MSFT, YHOO shares half reading the article. I am not responsible for any loss occuring in such cases.

Microsoft Live Mess?

Last week I tried creating a live account with id "codevalley" without giving much hope. But, to my amazement, the ID was available! That made it clear how unoccupied Windows Live is. I remember, my first internet service provider was Hotmail, years back. Then hotmail became Microsoft property and soon plunged intto darkness and like millions even I switched sides to Yahoo! and Gmail.
But, lately after the launch of Live campaign, I felt things have gotten rosy and glossier. So, I thought of giving a second try. Genuinely speaking, the designers have done a great job creating a new identity to Microsoft's web presence. But, Live is turning out to be "dead" with lack of popularity. Now, Microsoft launching their new Cloud computing concept Live Mesh, will it turn out be a revival, or will it also contribute to the Live Mess?


Windows may evolve, but bugs never.

Microsoft announced that it would delay its release of Windows XP service Pack 3, as it uncovered a new found glitch last week. The same glitch apparently is already there in Vista Service Pack 1 which it has already broadly released last week.
For lesser mortals, here is the full news.For others read on...

You need not drop your jaws if tomorrow Steve Ballmer announces that the same glitch has been found in XP Services Pack 2, 1 etc, or maybe Windows 98 Service Pack 1 as well. As each of these Operating Systems have been coded from scratch and are entirely different than their predecessors, it is only the theory of probability to be blamed if the same bug is surfacing on all the OSes. You people never listened when I said I maths is flawed!!